Archive for June, 2012

  • Dedication

  • Jang Keun-Suk will always remain to be a bright star that ignites the minds of many and this I dedicate to him. Be the same, Oppa.

    Stars of Destiny

    There was a Star weeping in my horizon when I woke up from that nightmarish slumber. His reddish gaze melted my icy eyes. Why are you hiding in the dark corners of the Night, I asked him. Sometimes the dark visage of the Night is brighter than the bright agony of the Dawn, he retorted. But why do diamonds run down your cheeks like this; I wished to pacify. The Moon, the Moon – he wept with a roaring sound. But the Moon is just miles away from you, I said. Why do you cry? She will be with you in some time, I smiled. She’s dead, he told me. She’s dead! The blood drained off her cheeks. The Sun sucked the darkness out of her. Now she’s but a corpse. She’s dead, she’s dead! He wept with a roaring sound. And he fell from the high Heavens.

    I, who was waiting for him, caught him swiftly. Deep in my heart, I felt the pangs of guilt as I secretly enjoyed the fall, for I knew that he had a different destiny. Moon is not thy destiny, I sighed. Blasphemy! He roared. You speak venom! He spitted fire at me. The Moon, my Moon. He wept.

    In a fortnight’s time, the Moon entered her bedchamber to shut herself away from the hues and melodies of the outer world. And he wept for her all through the day and the night. So I held his hands throughout the day and the night and I saw him breathe moist smoke and felt his chest burn in the acidic melancholy. It hurts, I know. I told him. Hold my hand, please. I told him. And the pain will course through your veins into mine. I told him. And we will be joined in the pain, I told him. He didn’t recognize the warm guilt boiling in my throat. He didn’t recognize the sweet love beating against my chest. But he knew that I could be trusted and he gave me the promise of sharing. Of sharing pain. Of sharing.

    As the petals of the days that came by opened one after the other, we blossomed as blooms of the same wild shrub. His pain made him glow and my love made me so. We conducted the clouds as if we were Mozarts of our own realm. We drew tales in the water with our own blood while the swans read them with red pleasure.
    What are you afraid of, I asked him. Of losing her again, he told me. But you don’t have her now, I pitched in. But if I did, I’d never want to lose her again. I cringed at the thought of that union. My sighs became little whirlwinds that made the maple trees shed their pristine red autumn’s share of leaves when it was only the earliest of spring.


    They say maple trees constantly looked for something new; somebody new. For once, I hoped that they will make him look. Look for me? I begged my sibling maple spirit.

    Maples reminded me of them. Mahua. Mahua, my sisters. I have basked in the glorious wine of their youth in the vain attempt to reach the skies; to reach him. They always told me that it wasn’t my time yet. I wish if I could see them again. And ask. Is it my time?

    We floated on the clouds that took us to the heights of spring. The dewy blossoms smiled at us and we, as blossoms of a new world, camouflaged our radiance in a gleeful smile. The bright diamonds giggled as their crystalline shadows were cast on our feathery skin. Sunlight, he said, and smiled sadly.
    I had to do it.

    I leant towards him and placed a kiss, softly, on one of those reflections and they wavered in coy innocence. A drop of blood started to spread its roots across his otherwise pale face. The redness conquered his beautiful face. And I smiled sadly.

    The sadness evaporated as he drew it out of my lips with his. Like a chill being pulled out from your chest through your mouth. A sweet chill. A chill you love.

    A star, I own. I laughed in harmony with the laughter in his eyes as I said it.

    And a star I made, that no one else can ever have. He said it with a proud, glittering smile.

    Those eyes, those eyes! They make my breath vacillate in between my lungs and my throat. And yet, they are mine.

    The Wings of Glorious Love swept us away from the clouds and hid us beneath its magnificence. The clouds played symphonies that were never heard before in Life or Death. The Wind passed invitations to watch the royal revelry of our love sealed in these Wings to all that’s ever walked the skies.

    And a dew drop fell on to the Earth. And it was green and red and yellow and white. I held out my arms to him. Amidst all the whites that covered us, a red thread of passion, which grew out of my veins, exultingly rushed to meet his veins. And in that moment, we were one. Inseparable. Congruent. Yin and Yang.

    The Night and the Dawn conjoined. The Stars in the high Heavens gleamed with pride. The mystery unveiled itself as it happened. The Earth stood in all stillness; in awe.

    A new star was born. Born.


    The moist heat slowly started spreading against my skin as I squirmed at the thought of waking up. Summer mornings have always been a puzzle. I enjoyed being one with myself and my salty essence. I wondered how somebody else would perceive that statement. What will they think? I kept thinking about various possibilities as I pushed myself out of the little bed in my apartment.

    It tasted like chicken. No, it tasted like shit. How do you know what shit tasted like? I fought with myself over the taste in my mouth. Clumsily, I picked up my brush and applied the creamy white paste on it and pushed it into my mouth and slowly started brushing the taste off my mouth. A pimple, I noticed, blossomed on my dark skin. I chewed my brush as I thought as to what I should do to get rid of these painful little things.

    The cold water didn’t evaporate as I hoped it would when it came into contact with my sweating, hot body. The video of me in a blue (or was it green?) tub, playing in water for hours replayed itself in my mind. The Me in the video was tiny, maybe a year or two old. A heavy sigh escaped my chest as I thought of the better times in life.

    Selene was sleeping cozily in her little crib when I came out from the shower. How lucky she was! She could sleep for like 16 hours a day whereas I have to stay awake for 16 hours a day. It’s pure injustice, I tell you. I kissed her yellow mane and she shifted uneasily in her bed as the cold hair brushed against her warm fur.

    The ignition key turned smoothly as I waited eagerly to hear the sweet “hello” from the engine. And with it started my stereo which started playing “Hero” by Shinji & Solbi. My choices in music were like a fruit punch which has got a hundred different varieties mixed together. In short, it’s good enough to cause food poisoning.

    Drops fell on the metal like stones and I turned the vehicle off to step out of it. The first drops fell on my cheeks, then eyes and then everywhere. Selene doesn’t know what she’s missing. But then, she hates getting wet. I wish they’d play Debussy, Haydn or Yiruma like in movies or musicals. Oh wait, some dubstep with tabla and sitar as accompaniment plus some harmony by the chorus. That’s it!
    As the rain strengthened and the drops started to make me feel like being showered with eggs, which fell on my head one after another. By the time I got this feeling, I had walked a long way from home. Never mind, I will walk today. I told myself.

    The rain. What will she be thinking of me? An insignificant human spoiling my beauteous dance as she walks on earth, cutting across my pattern? Maybe. I wouldn’t blame her at all.

    I looked ahead and I saw the sea, wide and majestic, in front of me. I felt like kneeling down and paying Her Highness a compliment or two. But humanness didn’t allow me to.

    You can embrace her at least?

    Yes, I can. I laughed heartily at the thought and turned my back against her. I walked a few paces to turn back and run to my Queen. I jumped.


    Ah! The pain in the voice! Leon’s voice was always this masculine and seductive. But the pain! Oh, the pain!

    I smiled.