Confessions of a boy

Those were days of struggle ; each leaf added to the tree. I waited each night, outside the trembling hut, waiting to see a lonely traveller in need of food or accommodation. “A man can sleep outside”, I remembered my mother’s voice when I initially started sleeping out, shaking and screaming at night in fear. That me doesn’t exist anymore. Of course, that mother too. Living alone, I had to fend for myself alone, but living-in all my life, I didn’t know the kind of work other men did. All I knew was to take care of the house and surroundings, to weave baskets out of wires, and to knit baby clothes. “What woman would like you?” my old mother would ask during her last days. I’d sit there like a good daughter-in-law, listening to the taunts at her husband’s home. Sadly, they expected me to bring a wife home. How do I tell them, that I’d rather be married off?

The State of Keatsian Drunkenness

Shall I wish or perish, Keats,
In your remembrances?
I saw closed doors with black ribbons of your choice
And heard laces humming late hymns.
The cold winter races up to the moon forever.
Yet in all times do I find you, warm as wine and fever;
Only in death does ice on ice grow like a tree.

Draw on me; divine me,
I wait at the threshold, eager to be called in.
Yet. Yet, you speak only in riddles.
Malachite and mirrors do adorn your windows,
Why don’t you let me through too?

I saw those fences in mourning;
Alabaster-clad winds and alcoholic fire –
Your friends in desire.
Drown me in a cup of hot chocolate,
Smother me with poetry.
Is that too much to ask for?

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First Rain

The moist heat slowly started spreading against my skin as I squirmed at the thought of waking up. Summer mornings have always been a puzzle. I enjoyed being one with myself and my salty essence. I wondered how somebody else would perceive that statement. What will they think? I kept thinking about various possibilities as I pushed myself out of the little bed in my apartment.

It tasted like chicken. No, it tasted like shit. How do you know what shit tasted like? I fought with myself over the taste in my mouth. Clumsily, I picked up my brush and applied the creamy white paste on it and pushed it into my mouth and slowly started brushing the taste off my mouth. A pimple, I noticed, blossomed on my dark skin. I chewed my brush as I thought as to what I should do to get rid of these painful little things.

The cold water didn’t evaporate as I hoped it would when it came into contact with my sweating, hot body. The video of me in a blue (or was it green?) tub, playing in water for hours replayed itself in my mind. The Me in the video was tiny, maybe a year or two old. A heavy sigh escaped my chest as I thought of the better times in life.

Selene was sleeping cozily in her little crib when I came out from the shower. How lucky she was! She could sleep for like 16 hours a day whereas I have to stay awake for 16 hours a day. It’s pure injustice, I tell you. I kissed her yellow mane and she shifted uneasily in her bed as the cold hair brushed against her warm fur.

The ignition key turned smoothly as I waited eagerly to hear the sweet “hello” from the engine. And with it started my stereo which started playing “Hero” by Shinji & Solbi. My choices in music were like a fruit punch which has got a hundred different varieties mixed together. In short, it’s good enough to cause food poisoning.

Drops fell on the metal like stones and I turned the vehicle off to step out of it. The first drops fell on my cheeks, then eyes and then everywhere. Selene doesn’t know what she’s missing. But then, she hates getting wet. I wish they’d play Debussy, Haydn or Yiruma like in movies or musicals. Oh wait, some dubstep with tabla and sitar as accompaniment plus some harmony by the chorus. That’s it!
As the rain strengthened and the drops started to make me feel like being showered with eggs, which fell on my head one after another. By the time I got this feeling, I had walked a long way from home. Never mind, I will walk today. I told myself.

The rain. What will she be thinking of me? An insignificant human spoiling my beauteous dance as she walks on earth, cutting across my pattern? Maybe. I wouldn’t blame her at all.

I looked ahead and I saw the sea, wide and majestic, in front of me. I felt like kneeling down and paying Her Highness a compliment or two. But humanness didn’t allow me to.

You can embrace her at least?

Yes, I can. I laughed heartily at the thought and turned my back against her. I walked a few paces to turn back and run to my Queen. I jumped.

“Sara!”

Ah! The pain in the voice! Leon’s voice was always this masculine and seductive. But the pain! Oh, the pain!

I smiled.
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